Poem Part 1/2: Ruined

Deep into the melancholy of a shattered night
A man silently suffered from his psychological plight.
Like a lone star in the darkness, he was everyone’s light
& so he burnt out his soul, to bring others delight.

His hopes & dreams walked on broken glass
For he was the helpless clown that made others laugh.
Being the merchant of love, his kindness none could surpass
Yet his being was reduced to a lost forgotten photograph.

He was the man whom everyone used to gradually replace
Which often made him think his life was a pathetic disgrace.
Yet with compassion every suffering soul he used to embrace
Only to be backstabbed & fall with a tear-stained face.

All his suttle acts of goodness were often ignored
& every bitter betrayal his bleeding soul used to record.
Though being the silent protector was something he adored
Yet abandoned he now stood under the fate’s fiendish sword.

Impaled, intoxicated and overwhelmed with a feeling of disdain
The madness of the moment now burns his brain
While sadness slithers through his every vein
His misery makes him helpless and insane.

For his life that sears within like an endless nightmare
By the decimation of his every unanswered prayer.
Now to breathe in a new death, his soul must prepare
Because perhaps tonight… he’s ruined beyond repair.

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Note: They say only the shattered souls are capable of giving with utmost humility to others because they know what’s it like to be broken and incomplete. Would request my readers to appreciate the giving aspect of such broken spirits, don’t unintentionally further break them by making them feel undervalued and unwanted. Your one act of generosity and kindness can make a world of difference for someone. ❤

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17 thoughts on “Poem Part 1/2: Ruined

  1. Hi Sidharth,
    Just a quick response before I leave. I’m not particularly fond of rhyming poetry, so take all this with a grain of salt. I think a consistent rhythmic scheme would help this piece immensely, i.e. the couplets should be of equal rhythmic length. (It is more complicated than that.) I think you have a lot of good metaphor and some beautiful lines, but need to rhyme cheapens them somewhat. Also, sometimes you rhyme in couplets, other stanzas in four-line groups. I think you should strive for consistency.

    FWIW, if someone asks me to look at their poetry, I try to give them an honest response, and as complete impression as I have time to give. In other contexts, I would go through line by line, but right now, I don’t have time. I’m not the greatest or most adept poet, but I do try to be an honest one.
    A

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much, I appreciate a hard truth more than a sugar-coated lies. For me personally I focus on rhyming in couplets/stamzas & imagery due to which I tend to compromise on certain other aspects like consistency most of the times. I sincerely value & respect your point of view, please feel free to enlighten me with more details about how I can improve on the consistency aspect.
      Thank you for your time in such time crunch and honest feedback. ❤️🙏

      Like

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