After completing my dad’s funeral at the cremation ground
In darkness, I sat alone on a chair.
While within me this sadness floated around
I cradled my shattered thoughts, that I couldn’t repair.
Abandoned in this aporia I felt cold & dead
As dark thoughts, crumbled my composure.
There was a vicious war inside my head
While the devil smirked sitting on my shoulder.
My demons screamed “There’s a knife in your sight
Use it! For your sufferings would never heal.”
“Choose your last words, in your plight;
As an endless agony, your soul now begins to feel!”
Just when I geared up for the brutal bloodshed
I envisioned a vision of my mother pleading;
I hallucinated her helplessly holding my head
While screaming “Help my son’s wrists are bleeding!”
Although emotionally countless times I had died
Yet in that moment I chose to throw away the knife.
The marauding madness seemed invincible, but I survived
As for my loved ones I chose to embrace life.
I’m only human & I too have some fears
For some untamable nightmares still stream in my eyes.
Yet amidst life’s battle cry I hide my tears
I survive… & to protect others now I rise.
A dream for a better future I hope to harbor
As rising for my loved ones seems worthwhile.
For them, I hide my traumas underneath my armor
I survive… & conquer my demons with a smile.
Note: On 17th June 2014, in the morning my father had expired & it’s one of my most traumatic experiences of my life there were other things too that triggered me to try & commit suicide that night. This poem pertains to the traumatic events that took place that night & how I overcame that. Please don’t get me wrong I don’t want to glorify my real-life nightmare, instead, I want to share about it in an uncensored way with a sole desire to motivate other suffering souls to express about their silent battles. We all break and feel lost at various tormenting turns of life but we must rise & rediscover ourselves for the sake of people who depend on us. We all have a responsibility towards our loved ones, if not towards our own self. Lastly, please be kind & compassionate to others because none knows what battles they fight & survive on their own.
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